Why you shouldn't have Kids
by A Little Carefree
Summary: "What's a little kid like you doin' in a place like this?" "I'm looking for my daddy!" "Daddy huh? And who would that be?" "Well I have no idea sir, but momma said he's known as a Role Holder!" THUD! "Why do they always faint when I say that? Adults are weird." AU-10 years old Alice Liddell sets out to find her real father, who apparently lives where all criminals reside.
1. On The Train

**A/N: **So this anime that I've been waiting to come out in ages has come out and by watching it and reading the manga again, it has given me this brilliant idea.

Bare in mind that the plot is not the same though, only one thing is actually in common.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Diamond/Joker/Clover/Heart no Kuni no Alice series.

**Note: This is an AU!**

Enjoy!

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**Prologue-On The Train**

Alice liked to believe she was way more mature then any other kid her age. I mean, how many kids got to travel by train all by themselves?

Although she did feel some guilt in not telling her older sister where she was going, she knew that she had to do this though, because if she told Lorina where she was going then she would have been stopped.

And she did not want that.

She hummed lightly to herself as she dug through her back-pack, the only thing on her, and pulled out a candy bar. While unwrapping the candy bar, she took note of the fact that not many people were in the compartment with her.

Well she didn't mind, less curious stares then.

She chewed on the sweet while sticking her hand back into her bag, looking for something to occupy herself with. Her hand rested on the hard-covered book she had grabbed before leaving-the last book her mother had read to her.

She grabbed it and pulled it out, glancing at the title.

**Alice in Wonderland.**

She licked her lips, finishing off the rest of her food, before placing he sticky fingers on the book and flipping through the pages idly. She stopped on one particular page, which had a piece of paper folded on it.

She picked up the paper, pushing the book aside, before flipping it up and began reading it.

_Dear Alice,_

_I'm not sure if your sister told you this but I'm afraid that I won't be able to stay with you any longer. However this letter is not here to describe my illness and such._

_It's to tell you something that I never wanted to do, but I realize because time is limited that I must tell you._

_You see, although Henry has been a very good father since you were a baby, he is…in fact not your real father._

_I know it's hard to take in, but…mommy had a very bad night 10 years ago…but I was rewarded with you. But don't worry, Henry considers you every bit his! And Lorina and Edith, your sisters, don't know this but in either case they are still your siblings._

_However I realize that you might one day, when your older, be very curious as to whom your real father is._

_All I can say…is that he is one of the 'Role Holders' of the Wonderland district. I'm sorry I have given you such limited information, but alas even I can't remember the man myself._

_Alice…I'm sorry I could not have told you in person but know that I only planned to hide it because I love you._

_Lots of love,_

_Your mother._

Alice folded the note up, placing it back in the book, before placing the book back in the bag. She sighed, glancing out the window in boredom.

She wasn't upset about the news, she kind of understood why her mother hid it but naturally Alice was a curious person.

So her plan was simple.

She was going to go to the Wonderland district, find her father and see what he's like. Just a quick peek and then she'd head home before Lorina noticed she was gone. Henry wouldn't notice she was gone, he was to focused on his work and Edith barely had any interest in her since the funeral.

Seen as there was nothing else to do, she decided to try and imagine what her father could look like.

'Perhaps he'll be tall and strong, marching into an area with vigour! Or maybe he'll be a workaholic like dad…'

"Excuse me young lady, but where is your parents?"

At the sound of another voice, Alice glanced up and smiled. "Mommy is dead and I'm off to the Wonderland district to meet my father."

The voice came from a young attendant, who looked at her in shock. The attendant, a male, sat down slowly across from her, biting his lip. "You said the Wonderland district. Perhaps you were mistaken, did you mean Winchester?"

Alice shook her head, "No, I said Wonderland district! I remember the name clearly."

The attendant bit her, "But you look so young! How old are you, nine?"

"I'm ten!"

"Ten, why that is still too young! Kids like you should never go to that district, especially not alone!"

Alice pouted, giving the man a suspicious stare, "and why is that?"

The attendant looked around cautiously, as if he was making sure nobody was listening, before glancing back to her.

"The Wonderland district is where the top criminals of the world live! Anybody who goes there is bound to run into trouble, or worse-get killed! Not a single person leaves that place unscathed. I see a lot of people board this train heading there, but only one, if lucky, ever gets back on to leave."

"Criminals…live there? That can't be right."

"It's true, not a single person who lives there is innocent. They've bound to have done something against the law."

'So…that means my real dad…is a criminal?'

The attendant saw the blank look on her face and panicked, "err you said you were going to meet your father there. Perhaps there is a nice area there, I haven't actually entered the place myself."

However he was shocked to see a big smile curl onto her face.

"Cool! Father could be a criminal! That means he could know cool tricks!"

He wondered what was up with kids in this day and age.

He stood up put paused when she grabbed his top, tugging on it, "yes?"

"So if you know about this district, do you know a man know by the nickname 'Role Holder'?"

Alice was amazed to see the man's face change colours in a matter of seconds. Blues, greens, reds…she saw it all!

"Role Holder….."

_THUD!_

Alice pouted, prodding the unconscious attendant with her foot. "Geez, you could have answered the question before fainting. Adults these days…"

"_ATTENTION PASSANGERS. WE HAVE ARRIVED AT THE WONDERLAND DISTRICT. WE HOPE YOU HAVE A SAFE TIME THERE AND DON'T COME BACK BLOODY. THANK YOU."_

"Well, this is my stop. Don't worry daddy! I'll find you soon enough."

With that thought in her head, Alice stood up and exited the train, not noticing the confused stares she received from suspicious looking people.

"Is…that a kid?"

"Don't question it Bob. Just don't question it."

* * *

**A/N: **So, please tell me guys what you think! I haven't seen this idea been used yet :D

Oh and I doubt there will be any pairings, just plain torture XD

R&R

-Tailsdoll123


	2. Meeting the Clockmaker!

**A/N: **I know I posted the first chapter yesterday but this story is addicting!

**Thanks to:**

**Moonlightpheonix-xX**

**Elise the Writing Desk**

**In The Forest**

**CherryBerry58**

**DCreed**

**serima**

**Person-Thanks!**

**Reaper .death**

**Disclaimer: **I do not own the Diamond/Joker/Clover/Heart no Kuni no Alice series

Enjoy!

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**Chapter One-Meeting the Clockmaker!**

After stepping off the train, Alice took a moment to breathe in the air before smiling. Not taking notice of the stares she received, she skipped out of the train station and took her first view of the Wonderland district.

From what she could see, some buildings had broken windows and wooden boards blocking the doors. The buildings that weren't busted looked dark and foreboding-but this didn't bother the young girl, actually it made her more curious as to see what was inside.

The street itself was muddy with cigarettes and other rubbish littered around. Perhaps the people didn't see the bins placed around. She saw no cars parked anywhere near but she did see them drive past a lot.

Finally she saw a lot of people dressed in black suits with hats that shaded their features. It reminded her of all those action movies that the family used to watch together every Sunday.

Before her mother died of course.

Shaking her head, she wondered where to go first. The only clue she had on her was that her father lived in the Wonderland district and that he was a 'Role Holder.'

The easiest route would be to ask someone, talking to strangers be damned.

Approaching the nearest pair of people, two men dressed in black suits with sunglasses, she smiled at them, causing them to stare at her.

"What's a little kid like you doin' in a place like this?" one of the men asked, raising an eyebrow, from what she could see, at her.

"I'm looking for my daddy!" she replied with a bright smile.

"Daddy huh? And who would that be?" The other one asked with a smirk.

"Well I have no idea sir, but momma said he's known as a Role Holder!"

She watched as they gazed at her with wide eyes , their sunglasses having fallen off.

_THUD!_

"Why do they always faint when I say that? Adults are weird," she sighed, rolling her eyes and walking away from the unconscious men.

Unfortunately for Alice, she kept getting the same response. She was starting to think everyone in the district had some kind of disease.

And it was also nearing night. She had to find somewhere safe to camp out for the night, having only brought enough money for a return ticket on the train.

"Why won't anyone answer my questions?" She wondered to herself as she walked further down the street.

While continuing on her trek, she happened to pass by a large alleyway. Planning to carry on walking down the street, she paused when she heard voices coming down from the alleyway.

"So, decided to leave your den, Clockmaker?" she heard a voice sneer, probably a man.

Being heavily curious, Alice bended down onto her knees and crawled into the alleyway, hiding behind a conveniently placed trashcan. She then peeked around it, taking in the three men in her line of view.

The first two men had their backs to her. She could see that, like the rest of the people on the street, they were in suits. One of them had dusty blonde hair while the other had red hair.

She then glanced passed them to the third person.

He was certainly different. He had long navy hair, much longer then her sister Lorina, with narrowed navy eyes. He wore a long black coat with gold-bronze designs, black pants, a dark yellow vest, a clock earring and a clock tie.

'He…is a guy right?'

"Excuse me, but I am busy," the blunette said with an annoyed voice, trying to walk past the two men.

The red haired man snorted, "no way. Not when you're out here alone without that damn 'pet' of yours with you."

Alice had no idea what was going on, all she could tell was that the two men seemed really angry with the blue-haired man.

Her thoughts were broken when she noticed that the blue-haired man had said something, which seemed to make one of the men angry. He then pulled out a gun from his jacket, surprising Alice.

'Oh no, he's going to hurt that man!'

Angry at the thought of someone attacking someone else for 'no reason,' Alice grabbed the nearest object, which was the bin's lid, and stepped out of her hiding space.

"Hey! Leave that man alone!" she yelled, catching the three men's attention.

"A kid? And a girl at that?"

"What's a kid doing _here_?"

"…"

Alice then raised the lid and chucked it as hard as she could. The lid shot through the air before striking the red head, making a clanging sound as soon as it touched him.

Unfortunately because of Alice's short height, the lid ended up hitting the man in the lower regions.

"Ugh!" he moaned before collapsing in a heap, clutching his wounded manhood. His partner gaped at him, which gave Alice the moment to strike forward and kick him in the shin, causing him to drop his gun-which skidded closer to the blue haired man.

"Agh, shit! Damn it you little brat! I'm going to beat the shit out of you!" The dusty haired blonde scowled, grabbing Alice by the collar of her blue shirt and pulling her closer to him.

Alice, although realizing how much danger she was in, kept her brave face on and spat at the man. "You're just a big bully!"

He smirked at her darkly, raising his arm as he was about to strike her when…

_Click._

"Drop the girl and scram before I leave a bullet in your head."

The dirty blonde-haired man froze before slowly letting go of Alice, who promptly kicked him again in the shin.

"Agh!" Although he really wanted to hurt her, he instead grabbed his partner-who was practically crying-and fled the scene, but not before yelling something at the blue-haired man.

"Wait until the Hatter's hear about this! Then you'll be sorry!"

As soon as they were gone, the blue-haired man sighed and dropped the gun, picking up his bag of items that he had dropped, and turned to exit the alleyway. However he was stopped when the little girl grabbed his coat.

He glanced down at her, not knowing how to react when she smiled kindly at him. Nobody ever smiled like _that_ at him.

"Yes?" he questioned.

"Um, thanks for saving me mister! I'm Alice Liddell," she said, the smile still on her face.

"Hmm…" was his response before he tried to leave.

'Tried' being the key word.

He sighed when he once again felt the familiar tug on his coat. He raised an eyebrow at her while she puffed out her cheeks.

"You didn't introduce yourself mister! That's rude!"

He was actually surprised when he heard her say that. She didn't know who he was? That was odd.

"I'm Julius Monrey," he finally said, getting a happy smile in return.

"Nice to meet you Mr Monrey!"

"Hmm, well if that is all I must be going. You too, should go. People like you are not welcome around here."

Alice blinked at him before realising that she's been hearing things like that since she arrived. Although he's the first to say it directly, she noticed that people around here seemed to be in shock at seeing her.

"And why is that?" She asked him, getting a sigh from Julius. It seems he's realised that he's not escaping from her anytime soon.

"Because, if you haven't noticed, this isn't the safest place to bring children. In fact, it would be rare to run into a girl, much less a child around here. You should hurry and find your parents."

While taking in the new information, Alice let out a yawn. Hitting men in their precious areas does make a kid tired, especially because it seems that it's passed her bedtime.

Julius noticed this however and groaned. He can't believe he was going to suggest this.

"Do you want me to accompany you to your parents?" he asked, taking note of the time.

"Uh, my parents aren't here" she replied sheepishly.

"What? Are you saying you came here on your own?"

Her response was giggling nervously.

A child…came to the Wonderland district…on her own? Does she not realise the danger she could get into?!

"Why did you come here on your own?" He asked her, honestly curious.

"Well I came here to find my dad. But every time I ask someone about him, they always faint." She said, rolling her eyes.

People around here _faint_? How could a kid make some criminals faint?

She then looked at him with shining eyes, "ah, but you seem different! Perhaps you could help me!"

If he helped her, she might leave him alone quicker.

"Fine. Who he is?"

"Well that's thing. I don't know. My mom only said that he's a Role Holder."

Julius gazed at her with wide eyes and Alice wondered if he too would faint. However she was happy to note that he did not faint, but shook his head instead.

"This isn't good," she heard him mutter. He then turned to her and seemed to study her.

Alice shifted on her feet, another yawn escaping her, before Julius seemed to make up his mind.

"I see then, come with me. You shouldn't be out on your own," he said and then led the way out the alleyway, Alice right on his heels. She smiled up at him, deciding that she liked this Julius guy.

Even if he did remind her of a girl.

* * *

Alice unfortunately had no idea which route Julius led her through, being too tired to focus on anything but following the man. She sometimes had the itching feeling to grab his long pony tail but restrained herself.

It wouldn't do to upset that man by pulling his hair.

She suddenly ran into his back when he stopped, getting an annoyed stare in return. He sighed, he seemed to do that a lot, and turned back to what was in front of him-a door.

Alice glanced up, feeling her mouth drop open.

"…Wow."

What was in front of her was a tall tower that seemed to stretch into the clouds. It looked eerily dark with the lights placed around it, giving it a lot of shadows. All the windows on it were oddly shaped like clovers, in fact there was a large green clover on it.

Julius opened the door to the tower, beckoning her in, before closing the door. He then started making his way up the long stone staircase.

Alice rushed to keep up, feeling fascinated as she kept getting higher in the tower.

Upon arriving at the first floor, Julius walked along to the side and opened the door closest to him. Alice stepped in after him, closing the door after her.

He placed his bag down onto a nearby desk before heading into the back room, giving Alice the chance to look around.

Although he seemed like the serious type, Alice noticed that there was a lot of papers and items strewn around the room. Mugs were stacked on any surface available, with the other knick-knacks being pushed aside. Finally the thing that Alice noticed the most was that there were tons of clocks spread around the room.

She gazed at them in awe as she found a chair placed near the door to sit on. The clocks ranged from normal clocks to grandfather clocks.

Julius came back into the room, looking a little more refreshed then before. He took a seat at his desk, which had random clocks pieces strewn on it, and then turned his attention to Alice.

"Are you a clock repairer?" she asked him.

"Yes, something like that. It's a family thing," he grumbled, idly picking up a clock that was split open.

Having enough of the silence, Julius turned back to Alice to question her about the 'Role Holder' thing when suddenly he paused.

She was asleep.

He had just talked to her a minute ago and she had fallen asleep. He sighed, standing up and walking over to her. He felt a little uncomfortable because he wasn't used to being around children. But he couldn't just leave her on that chair.

He carefully bent down and picked her, noticing how light she was. He then turned and headed into the back room, which was actually his bedroom. He knew he wouldn't be sleeping tonight, having work to do, so he plopped the girl on his bed and left the room, closing the door.

He then went to his work desk and placed his glasses on, intent on actually getting some work done.

_SLAM!_

"JULIUS! Quick, you've got to hide me! Before Gray finds me!" A voice suddenly yelled, banging into his work room.

Julius felt a headache coming on, "Nightmare, go and do your work."

"NO!"

'Nightmare' was a man with shoulder length grey hair and a grey eye-his right eye was hidden by an eye patch. He wore a white blouse, black jacket with silver designs, black pants and boots.

"Lord Nightmare!"

Nightmare's fear heightened when he heard his assistant's voice. So without asking Julius, he barged passed him and fled into the clockmaker's bedroom.

It all happened so fast.

Nightmare's assistant, Gray, ran into the room with a stack full of papers in his arms. He had short blue hair pushed to the side, amber coloured eyes and an unusual lizard tattoo on his neck. He was dressed in a dark grey suit with a long jacket, black slacks and shoes. Along his forearms were brown sheathes that seemed to have _something_ in them.

"Hey, there's a kid in Julius's bed!"

"…Huh? Where am I?" Julius froze when he heard Alice's voice while also mentally picturing himself strangling Nightmare.

"Hey there little girl, my name's Nightmare!"

"AGH! PIRATE!"

_THWACK!_

"AGH! MY TREASURED JEWELS!"

"….Found you Lord Nightmare."

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**A/N: **So Alice meets Julius, Nightmare and Gray. Yay! How original lol but no, I always picture Alice meeting the 'normal' ones first.

Today while looking through the spare bedroom, I found a book that had loads of Disney stories for Autumn. I was happy because there was some Alice in Wonderland ones in there, most were about the March Hare.

Disney loves Elliot XD

And now below is a one-shot. I couldn't be bothered to post it separately because it's so short.

R&R

-A Little Carefree

* * *

**Left 4 Wonderland (Parody of Left 4 Dead)**

The flue had gone through the country quickly, infecting millions and turning them into crazed zombies. Those that were Immune or carriers quickly evacuated but not all were so lucky.

Which is why this story brings us to these five survivors who ended up travelling together.

"I think today is going to be a good day," Ace said with a bright smile, causing the other four to give him odd looks.

**Name:** Ace Knight

**Role in the zombie Apocalypse: **Mandatory idiot.

**Weapon Choice: **Sword

**Reason for weapon choice: **Because it's pointy.

"You always say that, fucking idiot," Black barked in reply, scowling at his 'fellow' survivor.

**Name: **Black Joker

**Role in the zombie apocalypse:** Mandatory grumpy badass

**Weapon Choice:** Machine gun

**Reason for weapon choice: **Because he's a badass that has to have a badass gun

"Black, stop being a jerk!" Alice replied, hitting him in the shoulder while ignoring his cussing.

**Name: **Alice Liddell

**Role in the zombie apocalypse: **Mandatory female

**Weapon Choice: **Bow and arrow

**Reason for weapon choice:** Because if she didn't have one, Black would go into a grump again.

"P-please stop fighting guys," Pierce whimpered, tears starting to flow in his eyes.

**Name: **Pierce Villairs

**Role in the zombie apocalypse: **Mandatory cry baby

**Weapon Choice:** Knife

**Reason for weapon choice:** It was the only thing he could grab while running away, screaming.

"…I'm surrounded by morons," Julius sighed, ignoring his team-mates.

**Name: **Julius Monrey

**Role in the zombie apocalypse: **Mandatory smart guy

**Weapon Choice: **Pistol

**Reason for weapon choice: **It's convenient.

And so these guys made the survivor team, out to live in the zombie world. Let us follow their adventure!

* * *

They were currently travelling through a corn field, which was hard to see where they were going because the grass went over their heads.

In the lead was Julius, who seemed to know where he was going. Behind him was Alice, who looked around wearily. Ace was behind her, clutching a propane tank and behind him was Black, who looked ready to shoot anything that pissed him off. Finally Pierce was in the back, trying to keep up with the group.

"Wait for me guys," he whimpered.

_BLARGH!_

At the sound of a Boomer, Black raised his gun and shot with accuracy. However there was just two problems.

1. Alice and Julius told him NOT to shoot.

2. The reason for that was because the Boomer was right next to them, which meant it exploded on them.

And as well all know, when you're standing to close to a Boomer and shoot it, well it's vomit that lands on you attracts…

_GAHH!_

…Hoards of common infected.

"Shit! Shoot! Shoot! Shoot!" Black yelled, firing away.

"Black, why did you do that?! Gah!" Alice shouted, trying to shoot away far away commons.

"…" Julius shot any zombies near him with his pistols.

_Cough!_

During the brawl however, a Smoker had managed to sneak near them and shot it's tongue out, capturing Pierce and dragging him away.

"AGH!" He screeched.

"Pierce!" Alice yelled, trying to get to him.

_RAGH!_

However just then a Hunter pounced over and jumped onto Alice, sending her down!

Black growled even more, trying to reach her while dealing with the annoying zombies.

_ARGH!_

"TANK!" Julius yelled, trying to alert his team mates to the giant zombie heading their way.

During all this commotion, Ace had somehow managed to wonder away and could not see where the heck he was.

There was only one soloution for this!

He three the propane tank into the air and reaching out with a gun, which he had nicked when nobody looked, and shot the propane tank.

"Oh there you guys are-"

_**BOOM!**_

The whole area blew up, leaving common infected dead and the special infected unconscious. Ace's team-mates groaned while Ace grinned sheepishly.

"Woops."

_RAGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!_

**Ace startled the Witch.**

* * *

-Do not own Left 4 Dead, inspired by a comic on DA

Terms:

**Common Infected**-Normal zombies

**Boomer**-Fat zombie that if vomits on you, causes common infected to come after you. If you're standing to close to it when you kill it, it'll explode on you causing it's vomit to fall on you and attract common infected.

**Hunter-**A zombie dressed in a hoodie that leaps onto his victims, ripping them apart.

**Smoker-**A zombie that smell of smoke. It has a long tongue that wraps around people and drags them away.

**Tank**-A massive zombie that takes 4 people to kill, it's very strong.

**Witch-**A female crying zombie that when startled, chases after the victim and rips them apart.


End file.
